Which brings me to my favorite…. The grand finale and what I think is THE most important thing in getting over your ex. The thing is, we get so caught up with the other person during a break up, and the relationship itself, that we tend to forget about ourselves.
But, ask yourself, are you happy with you? Are you proud of who you are? Do you embrace exactly who you are, all of you- the good and the not-so-good? YOUR love for yourself trumps him. Wanna get over him? Start with you. Wherever you are is fine. Perfect, even. Like this Post? Sign up for updates! Search for:. Lexie Kite and Dr. Check out my newest book, Make Some Noise, and grab your free bonuses! Online stalking can get out of hand. Don't do it. In time, you may be able to be friends.
But don't try to rush it. If you're meant to be in each other's lives, it will happen naturally. So don't worry about burning bridges — look after yourself first. If you were with someone who was bad for you, your confidence may have taken quite a knock while you were together. So you're craving that validation. Now it's time to look inward for that validation. Niels Eek, a physiologist and cofounder of the mental wellbeing and personal development app Remente , said learning to let go is one of the most important steps to take in order to relieve yourself of a relationship, especially if it was toxic.
While it may be difficult at first, the more you practice compassion and understanding, the easier this process will become. Humans are also a social species, said Eek, so you can find it hard to walk away from people, even if they're wrong for you.
Many people are scared of ever being alone, Eek said, which makes your attachment to a previous relationship even stronger.
People can obsess over their exes for various reasons, Eek said, including the fact you're unlikely to ever get closure. This can give people "an inability to understand a situation, and the feeling of helplessness in not having any power to change it," he said. The truth is, when someone hurts you, you're not going to like any of the reasons why it happened. So racking your mind for explanations isn't going to help you in the long run.
It's best to try and let it go. The more you think about it, the more you get pulled into that vortex. If there was betrayal involved, things can get quite problematic. Every time you replay an event or conversation, it would hurtle between regret and anger.
That creates a vicious cycle of regret leading to anger leading to helplessness leading to regret. This can be traumatic if you still love your ex. You need to objectively state what happened, either in a journal or through self-talk. Even if you forgive yourself or your ex today, chances are, something might bring back their memories tomorrow. Unfortunately, after a breakup, people tend to hold on to the fantasy more than the reality.
This fantasizing covers both the relationship and the individual involved. Things happened for several reasons. The painful parts of the relationship — and the individual responsible for it — may get blurred as you exaggerate the good bits. There might have been a joy in it but there would also have been unmistakable pain. People move on at their own time. Doing so will only stress you out and make you feel a lot worse.
Leah Carey , intimacy coach. Adam Goodman, J. Katie Ziskind , licensed marriage and family therapist.
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