I know how it should go, so I just explained to everybody what needed to be done instead of asking for their ideas and input. I gave people their assignments, and expected them to do their work. He decided to change his conversational pattern by talking with his Project B team about how to make the installation more successful and instituting a weekly follow-up meeting where team members could acknowledge work that was completed, what they had learned, and what remained to be done.
The first result he noticed was improved creativity and collaboration among the team members. The next was that productivity picked up. Five weeks later, Jason reported that his new conversational pattern had gotten Project B back on schedule. Initiative Conversations. Some people do not set goals for themselves or their group, or, if they do, believe there is no need to communicate them to others.
If people need to alter their responsibilities, I will talk with them about it. This executive did not connect his lack of Initiative Conversations with the lack of creative thinking and teamwork. The executive was pleased to see a new spirit. Understanding Conversations. Some people do not invite input and discussion after they unveil a new idea, goal, or plan.
But once the goals were set, he preferred to give his staff their individual work assignments, and he saw no point in holding a group conversation to hear employee questions or comments. When this manager saw that having an Understanding Conversation might give his employees a chance to hear and learn from each other in new ways, he agreed to have several group meetings to discuss department goals.
In each discussion, he focused on the current process they were using to develop customer proposals. He was pleased to discover his people had many ideas to improve both teamwork and their communication between teams. Everybody jumped in to answer the questions. I should have done this long ago!
Performance Conversations. This type of conversation is most often one of the weakest in communications. Her goal was to discover where her staff members thought they needed to spell out deadlines, communicate expenditures, and establish agreements between teams, and then have people commit to those agreements.
Closure Conversations. Why make everybody go back through it again? The problem was that only some of the sales reps were reliably using the system, and most of the techs were reluctant to report the problem. So the customer business information was not always reliable, and some customers did not receive what they expected.
In the face of internal disagreements, a Closure Conversation can clear the air. The COO called his three sales managers and two technical team leaders into a meeting. You know how to use a document management system and how to capture information. What is the problem here? When this is woven into the culture of a community, this is a true transformational Sangha.
That said, this is also the level where things get tricky. That said, it should be noted that…. I, for one, am often just as content to enjoy casual silly banter, than have some deep, eye-gazing Tantric connection.
Enjoy all the flavors for what they are! Ok, how about…now? One of the best things you can do to have richer, more rewarding conversations, is to go back over them in your mind.
This will reinforce what was nourishing for you about them. Email Updates. Latest resources, articles, events, and more are shared to this email list. Full Name. There is more about this on our page: Non-Verbal Communication. See our page on Friendliness for some ideas. Some people purport to despise small talk as being unimportant, or trivial, but it serves a useful function of allowing you to build rapport and establish common ground without having to invest too much emotion in the conversation.
This may be particularly important for introverts. To respond genuinely to what someone has just said means that you have to listen. You also need to take into account their body language. Our page on Listening Skills has more about this. When a conversation is flowing well, it moves naturally from one person to the other.
They open up the conversation to the other person, and invite them to participate. There is more about questioning on our pages on Questioning and Types of Questions. Of course it is perfectly possible to conduct a conversation entirely at the level of small talk, with nothing important being said.
But conversation is also a way to explore whether you wish to know someone better and build a relationship with them. In the first quadrant, that of Talking Nice, people listen from within their own story, but without any self-reflection. They only hear that which confirms our own story and therefore there is only reproduced what is already known. It is about being polite and people not saying what they think.
When moving to the second quadrant, that of Talking Tough or Debating, people start listening to each other and to ideas including our own ideas objectively, from the outside. But people say what they think and focus on the differences, which often results in a conflict or a clash. Arriving in the third quadrant, that of Reflexive Dialogue, people listen to themselves reflexively and listen to others empathetically-listening from the inside, subjectively.
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